It's 3.30am

It's half of 2017 already!
Im in my last year of my undergraduate program and wow! so soon?!

Here i am, writing this post coz i cant sleep.
So, what am i going to talk about now?

Well, there are quite a lot of interesting things happened but being me,
i don't have the motivation to write it all down.

What i have in mind now is about my friends who are in a relationship.
They all seem happy and full?
Im not sure whats the right word of saying it but they seem like their life have completed?
Lol

And here i am still single..
nope, not complaining! I am sad of course but grateful at the same time.
Less commitment!
I just have too much to handle right now,
IM PANICKING!
Jokes!

Some people here were surprised when they found out I've never been in a relationship and i am surprised too!
Surprised that they are surprised! Lol
Do i look like someone who has been in a relationship?

Trust me, in my life, i only had one honest confession from a guy but it was too late :(
But, he's still here with me, supporting me in whatever i do (including stupid things)
He is a great friend and i love him for that

I always wonder why do i get along with guys so easily but not girls?
It takes me quite a lot of effort to maintain a good friendship with a girl but no effort is used to maintain one with a boy?
Is it because I'm close with my brother? Because most of my cousins are boys?
I was in girls school but i still find it hard to mingle with girls properly.
Ive been stabbed from behind for being such person. Ive been called with worst kind of nicknames that you could ever heard but i just couldn't bring myself to punch those people.

"slut" "gatal" "bitch" "stuck-up" and etc

Nah, I'm used to it. I just don't care anymore. I can get along with guys but to keep one, it's actually quite hard also. Conclusion: Keeping friends is hard.

Ive suffered pretty bad during school days when it comes to friendship and I've promised myself on not to suffer anymore. Not to be the innocent, stupid and slow girl who can get stepped on by anyone.

Ive promised myself that i would do whatever i love to do without having to worry about my friends. True friends will stay with you regardless of what you've done.

My mom worries about me quite too much to be honest.
She's worried when i seem fat and she's worried when i still don't have a boyfriend...
Indirectly, she's pressuring me!!!
Told her I've lost weight, she went to stalk me at instagram and told me that i still look fat (this breaks my heart)
Boyfriend?
Yes, i do want to have feeling for someone, to be liked by someone but what to do if the feeling is not there??? I cant force myself to like someone and vice versa.
The time will come (i hate how i have to agree with this)
Mom, calm down!

Most of all, I'm just happy with those people that i have around me and i am grateful to be given such opportunity to know them.

I should force myself to sleep as i only have 4 hours left to sleep.

Goodnight!